Personal Reflection (I’m never going to give you what you expect)


My experience of life is that it is not divided up into genres; it’s a horrifying, romantic, tragic, comical, science-fiction cowboy detective novel. You know, with a bit of pornography if you’re lucky.
-Alan Moore

 

I’ve looked back over that last post and I feel the need to remind myself that I started this blog as a journal, of sorts, to share with other people.  That last post was not up to my standards and actually reads a bit shallow.  I hope you’ll stick around for the ups and downs and curves I have in store for you.

Onward!  

I’ve been staying up entirely too late recently.  Thoughts about my life and how I’m living(or rather not living) it insist on swirling through my brain well into the night and early morning.  Even now as I sit here writing this, it is well past midnight and I have to be up by 6 a.m.  It isn’t insomnia.  I could go to sleep if i wanted to.

There are so many things I want to do.  So I make lists, goals and plans.  Notebooks have been filled with wish lists, itineraries and ideas.  They lay on the pages as only words, only as what-ifs and eventuallys.  Under my skin an urge crawls like one of those mythical sea monsters.  You can only catch a glimpse once in a great while but when you see its majesty you’re both awed and terrified.  I’m not saying that I’m something so special but I know, I know there is more to me.

Can I, will I stop trying so hard to figure out my next step in life?  I need to cease the incessant daydreaming and go live (or try on) some of these dreams.  This life I’m leading now is slowly crushing me.  The weight of ‘what’s next?’ is almost too much.

I am funny, creative, smart and passionate so here is my promise to myself:  I will spread some laughter.  I will create fictional lands and people to share with the world —I WILL WRITE.  I will learn new things and teach them to others.  I will revel in the laughter of others and use them to fuel my fictional creations.  I will love.  I will be loved.  I will live.

Goodnight/Good Morning my lovelies.  I leave you with a poem that I saw on a poster when I was young.  I copied it down and it has moved with me and stuck in my head for years.  I have it memorized and it epitomizes the way I look at the world around me fairly well.  The author, to my knowledge is unknown.

A smile is quite a funny thing, it wrinkles up the face

and when it’s gone, you never find

it’s secret hiding place.

But far more wonderful it is to see what smiles can do.

You smile at one, he smiles at you

and so one smile makes two

He smiles at someone, since you smiled, and that one smiles back

and that one smiles, until in truth, you fall in keeping track.

Since a smile can do a great deed

by cheering hearts of care

Let’s smile and smile, and not forget

that smiles go everywhere

xo

 

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