I Just Need You Close To Reach


I think it is so much more intimate to be a part of someone’s day to day than to only come together in moments of need or desire.  Those moments are nice, to be sure, but to know someone calls you on their lunch break just because or leaves you a note telling you to have a good day, that is lovely.  To be wanted is something we all want, right?  We want to feel that our lives are enriched and to have that reciprocated.  I know that’s what I want.

I want connection.  I want to share things and never stop talking.  I want trust.  I want -no, I need– laughter.  I want stimulation that extends to my very core.  Yeah, that’s basically it.  The other things are just fluff.

For the first time I can honestly say what I want in a relationship.  I’ve never been more comfortable being me.  That’s not to say I’m satisfied because I am definitely not that.  My self opinion is changing though, and that is a big deal. 

What an affirmation, not just that I know what I want but to feel like I deserve to have it.  It’s kind of blowing my mind right now.  It’s time to start putting some effort into my own happiness and be okay with the fact that I have high standards.

I feel that I’ve been trying to earn my self respect for my entire life.  As if I somehow needed my own permission to be me.  How ridiculous does that sound?  I’m not sure what has changed but something in me is different.  Over the past year I feel that I have been steadily growing into someone that I want to be.  I hope I never fully get there though because honestly I never want to stop growing.  I never want to stop striving to be more.  Maybe this means that I won’t ever be satisfied and if that’s the case, so be it.  If it means I have to fight for what I want, then OKAY.  I’ll do it.  I’ll put in the effort.

And maybe it will bring me to you.  Wouldn’t that be wonderful?  A girl can dream.

Really, just this:

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