Checks and Balances


I used to think that if I could just make a list of things to accomplish then I could do it all.  I could make that list and organize every bit of everything to fit on it.  Then, I could systematically check off every item with a satisfactory swish of my pen.  Check, check, and check!  What I’ve come to discover however, is that my greatest accomplishment in life may very well be making lists of possibilities.  I make wishes and plans and measure my success on the completion of checklists.  This is what my life has come to be.  This is a how-to, a tutorial, a persistent bedlam of what not to do.  This is how you end up a voyuer in your own life.  This is, I am living it, one of my greatest fears: not living at all. 

This is where it stops.

I am not the sum of my fears.  I am not an item on a checklist. I refuse to remain a furious tangle of self-doubt. 

I will be every damn thing I want to be.

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3 Responses to “Checks and Balances”

  1. […] Checks and Balances (serenedelusions.wordpress.com) […]

  2. I was thinking this exact thing yesterday. I was cleaning my house and checking my list, only to wonder where my life was taking me. Hopefully, we both can start living the way we want. 🙂

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